Monday, May 4, 2015

Queen Hillary - New POTUS?

Queen Hillary to run for President of the US
[A new guest post by a Presidential Candidate]

[In keeping with our policy of sharing news for the "Inquiring Minds Who Need to Know!"]

As you know, my dear people, the last year for me has been an annus horribilus. 

The Royal House of Clinton has been tormented by questions about our handling of finances and subjected to tiresome questions about the tragic events in Benghazi–in the furthest regions of our empire. And, sadly, there are also questions about my Royal, and very personal e-mails because some contained Top Secret DOD and CIA files; but, at this point, what difference does that make. 

Nevertheless, I will not be daunted in my desire and commitment to serve you the people. For the next seventeen months I will be traveling among you as one of you, to listen to your deepest longings and needs. I will be with you in your Wal-Mart and beside you in your Burger Kings. I will drive with you down the busy interstate highways of our land sharing your poverty and needs with you.

How well I remember the days when the Duke of Arkansas and I were impoverished. After we were expelled from our Washington Palace we hardly had two mansions to rub together. We were so poor we had to remove thousands of dollars of china, flatware, carpets and gifts from the Washington Palace just to survive. Now, happily, benefactors from around our empire have given just enough for us to scrape by.

During those difficult times we had to cut back when our daughter was married. We only had three million dollars to spend on her wedding and I remember our hopes as she moved into her $10 million Manhattan apartment that one day she would be able to move on from that humble abode to something more fitting. 

And please ignore all that nonsense about all of those suicides by people who could have testified against the Duke of Arkansas.  Why, it was just terrible how many of these admirers had such dire psychological problems, particularly our most trusted bodyguards!

So as I travel across our land to meet you all, I will be listening and sharing with you. Then when the time for the royal election comes I know you will crown me as your rightful monarch so that we can all live happily ever after.

BENGHAZI? - So, I killed an Ambassador and SEALs!