As more intelligent folk speak out about the miserable state of our current political system, we are delighted to expand their audience through this blog.
Today's guest post is by PJ O'Rourke,
Contributing Editor to The Weekly Standard,
a publication we follow and highly recommend.
Click here to link to original
They Hate Your Guts
Democrats and their voters.
THE WEEKLY STANDARD AUG 10, 2015, VOL. 20, NO. 45 •
I would like to address myself to the poor, the huddled masses, the wretched refugees teeming to America’s shore, the homeless, the economically, socially, and mentally tempest-tossed.
Also, I’d like to address the young, the hip, the progressive, the compassionate, and the caring. I’d like a word with everyone who votes for Democrats.
Democrats hate your guts.
Democrats need your vote and they’ll do anything—no matter how low and degrading—to get it. They hate you the way a whore hates a john.
All politicians hate people. Politics is a way to gain power over people without justification for having that power. Nothing in the 11,000-year history of politics—going back to the governing elites of Mesopotamia—indicates that politicians are wiser, smarter, kinder, more moral, or better skilled at any craft (aside from politics) than we are.
But political rulers need the acquiescence of the ruled to slake the craving for power. Politicians hate you the way a junkie hates junk.
Politicians gain power by means of empty promises or threats, or both when they’re on their game. Should you vote for people who are good at politics? No. You should vote for Republicans. We’re lousy.
Believe me, I know why you don’t vote for Republicans. You see the Republican candidates and they look so . . . Bush-League, Dog Walker, Rubio Rube, Get-Outta-the-Carson, Hucka-Upchuck, Ap-Paul-ling, Cruz Control, Fat-Fried Christie Crispy, Son-of-a-Kasich, Dingleberry Perry, Flee the Fiorina, Sancta-Santorum, Graham Cracker, and Nervous 7/11 Night Shift Manager Jindal.
And never mind the busted flush Trump Card who should be spray-painted with Rust-Oleum primer, have a squirt gun super-glued to his hand, and kicked through the front door of the Ferguson, Mo., police station.
You think, “I don’t want to vote for these people.”
Just between you and me, we Republicans think the same thing.
|Christ whipping RNC and GOP leadership|
Republican politicians stink.
This is because real Republicans don’t go into politics. We have a life. We have families, jobs, responsibilities, and it takes all our time and energy to avoid them and go play golf. We leave politics to our halt, our lame, and our feeble-minded.
Republican candidacies are sinecures for members of the GOP who are otherwise useless and/or retired.
Democrats, on the other hand, are brilliant politicians. And I mean that as a vicious slur. Think how we use the word “politics.” Are “office politics” ever a good thing? When somebody “plays politics” to get a promotion, does he or she deserve it? When we call a coworker “a real politician,” is that a compliment?
“But,” you say, “Republicans don’t love us either.” And we don’t. As voters you are demographic groups. Republicans do not love demographic groups. Actually, Republicans do not love groups at all, with a few exceptions: The guys in the combat unit they commanded. Blood relations old enough to have been dead for years. Intimates of their private clubs. Golf buddies. Fellow guests at the Alfalfa dinner. And everybody in Bohemian Grove. But this love is proclaimed only after copious drink has been taken.
Loving you would mean Republicans are paying attention to you. We aren’t. Republicans pay attention to only a few people:
* Members of their golf foursome
* Business-associate members of their golf foursome
* Investment adviser members of their golf foursome
* Members of other golf foursomes at the 19th hole
* Their spouses (that is, their most recent spouses, married for being rich or hot)
* Their children (except the artisanal pot grower in Mendocino who’s shacked up with a holistic dance therapist—he’s cut out of the will)
And in that order.
Democrats pay a lot of attention to you. They offer you all sorts of trick-or-treat giveaways.
Benefits are the way government is expanded. The more government expansion, the more opportunities for politicians to get power. (Beware of razor blades in the candy apples.)
Democrats offer you regulations to make your life safer from razor blades in candy apples. Regulations expand government with unelected regulatory bodies so that politicians can get power without bothering about your vote.
Democrats hate you now, but wait until they have you fully regulated and aren’t even pretending to lick your Nikes, Birkenstocks, or Manolo Blahniks. (Nikes will be banned for exploitative overseas child labor. Manolo Blaniks will fall victim to a National Campaign to Improve Foot and Toe Health. And Birkenstocks—which never go away—will be found to be in violation of federal biodegradability standards.)
Democrats adore your demographic groups. Democrats are pro-woman, pro-black, pro-Latino, pro-immigrant, pro-LGBT, pro-AFL/CIO, pro-differently abled, pro-unemployed, pro-poor.
(And by pro I mean whore.)
Besides prostituting themselves to your demographic groups, Democrats are adhering to the first principle of political elites: Divide and conquer.
The Democratic party is one big family. This means—as those of us from big families know—all of you detest each other. Or you will by the time Democratic matriarchs and patriarchs get done parceling out too little to one group, too much to another, and none to most. (Are you undocumented alien moms and children enjoying your summer internment camp?)
Democrats are particularly infatuated with the demographic group of voters who are poor. Democrats provide many social programs for the poor. If you happen to be poor, you know what these social programs do. They pay you to stay poor.
Democrats favor a higher minimum wage. And they’ll make sure you get a minimum wage. Forever.
Democrats want to give you health care that’s free—and worth it.
Democrats will provide you with more opportunities to get an education and buy a house. A couple hundred thousand dollars of student loan debt and a huge mortgage that’s underwater will keep you poor for sure.
And then Democrats tax the hell out of your beer and cigarettes—two of the few small pleasures available to the poor.
Democrats are tough on business. After all, you might get into business. And make money. And vote Republican.
Money is all Republicans care about, say Democrats. That’s not true. We care about other things. We care about stocks, bonds, precious metals, commodities, mergers and acquisitions, arbitrage, and hedge funds.
And we care about you personally. If you happen to have a large amount of money to invest in our hedge fund. Actually, we care about you anyway—if you’re of any use to us. Just the way you care about strangers—if they’re of any use to you. This is a good, Adam Smith’s Wealth of Nations, side to human nature. Politics is the other side.
And even if we don’t care about you—because of our inability to care or your inability to be cared for—at least we’ll leave you alone!
Democrats will herd you into a group. Democrats like groups because they loathe individuals. Any given group can be made dependent on political power. Any given individual is a different matter.
Democrats are in favor of abortion and against the death penalty.
How could anyone possibly arrive at that pair of moral judgments? Republicans can, sometimes, understand the majesty of death—abortion as a matter of private conscience and evil paying the ultimate price. Republicans can, sometimes, understand the sacredness of life—each fetus as a being and how we must not take what we cannot give from any person, however bad. But no Republican understands the virtue of killing a baby too innocent to be born while sheltering and feeding a murderer until he gets fed up and tunnels out of Dannemora.
Democrats hate you. And your family. Sixty-nine percent of America’s abortions are performed on women who are poor. More than half of the people in prison report pre-arrest annual incomes of less than $10,000.
A fetus is an individual who might grow up to be anything, even a Republican. Meanwhile convicts are a group that is fully dependent on government. (And in Vermont, felons in prison can vote by absentee ballot, which may explain Bernie Sanders.) “Wait!” you say. “Republicans are just as bad! Look at the Republican candidates trying to attract votes from segregationists, male chauvinists, gun nuts, religious lunatics, transgender-bashers, Nazis, climate-change-deniers, union-busters, flagrant emitters of greenhouse gases, and Wall Street malefactors of great wealth.”
Yep. There our candidates are, trolling through the gutters of the electorate. That’s what politics does to people. It sullies even the most well-bred fellow and gal. Especially if they happen to be halt, lame, feeble-minded, or otherwise useless and/or retired and have therefore taken up politics.
Stay away from politics. And vote Republican.
As it says in Forrest Gump (the book’s author, Winston Groom, is a Republican),
“Stupid is as stupid does.”
And you can count on us Republicans to not do much.